Tuesday, June 12, 2012

An Editorial On Marie Callender's Pies



Today I'm writing an editorial about Marie Callender's Restaurants, and ironically, it was one year ago today that the parent company of Marie Callender's filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy because of a weak economy.

There has been a long stretch of time in my past during which Marie Callender's has been my favorite restaurant in all of southern California, regardless of its location. There have been many changes over the years to much of its menu, but over all, I have held a steadfast fondness for the food, the atmosphere, and the staff. It is a shame that the company is no longer the success it once was.


This editorial of mine has been long overdue. It deals with the pie category of the menu. More specifically, what the company refers to as its "fresh fruit" pies. 

What is a fresh fruit pie? Well, according to Marie Callender's, it is one of their pies made from fresh strawberries or fresh peaches, served in a pastry shell, with one of the appropriate syrups poured over the top. For example: "fresh strawberry" pie consists of a pastry shell loaded with fresh strawberries having a strawberry syrup poured over that. The "fresh peach" pie is similar. Fresh peaches (in season) are sliced, dumped into a pastry shell, and then doused with a peach syrup. In both cases, neither "pie" is actually baked or cooked.


Forgive me, but I have a huge problem with this definition of a "pie." For starters, a pie needs to be baked or cooked in order to be correctly referred to as a pie. If you don't bake or cook the fruit, it is not a pie. At best, it is some kind of fruit salad. What Marie Callender's refers to as Fresh Strawberry Pie is, in actuality, a strawberry salad served on pastry. You could loosely refer to it as a dessert, but it is not a pie. It is a salad. Plain and simple.

The "fresh peach" pie is no different. It is not cooked or baked. It consists of sliced fresh peaches atop a serving of pastry. So it is a peach salad on pastry. It is not a pie. It is not baked or cooked.

I can hear your arguments already. "But wait!" you argue. "It's better than a two-crust peach pie because it's fresh!" Well, I am not impressed. I can go to the supermarket during the same time of the year that Marie's offers its fresh peach pie and I can buy my own peaches. I can slice them up and eat them out of a bowl and get the same "fresh" experience without spending the premium price for a so-called piece of "fresh peach" pie. The point I am trying to make here, is that there is no draw in serving fresh peach slices atop a pastry shell with a little bit of syrup poured on top of it. Marie Callender's has somehow created a huge amount of marketing hype over a product that anyone can make with fresh peaches and a paring knife. 

To further illustrate my point, and to prove that I do not entirely loath what Marie Callender's makes or does, I would like to point out that they make an excellent two-crust peach pie (using, I guess, canned or frozen peaches). And it is an excellent pie because it is actually made as a pie should be made: by baking it in an oven so that the fruit gets cooked. 

To add further insult to injury, Marie's has the audacity to charge more for its fresh peach pie than it does for its regular two-crust baked peach pie, even though the latter is actually better than the former. Is their "fresh peach" pie more work to make? Are the ingredients more expensive? None of their marketing hype makes any sense to me as a consumer. 

If Marie's really wanted to impress me, here's what they would need to do. They should come up with a new pie called Fresh Apple Pie. And here is what the definition of "fresh apple pie" would be. They would buy fresh Granny Smith apples in season, slice them up, and put them into a two-crust pie (along with the appropriate sugar and spices) which they would then bake in their ovens the same way they bake their "regular" apple pie. They could charge a premium price for it, and I would gladly pay it. They could bill it as their Fresh Apple Pie in Season and it would be wonderful. But somehow, the masses have it all wrong. Marie Callender's has it all wrong. And no one can see that the Emperor has no clothes. 

Perhaps the Chapter 11 filing is more appropriate than anyone realizes. In the meantime, I will continue to boycott any "fresh fruit" pie that Marie Callender's continues to put out whether it's strawberry or peach. 










Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Promoting my Novel on Amazon Kindle

As of February 25, 2012, my first eBook has been published on Amazon Kindle Publishing. If you have a Kindle (or Kindle Fire) be sure to check it out:

Here is a summary:

Amy Jennings, a nineteen-year-old physical science major enrolled at the local university, is having a bad day. First she breaks up with her boyfriend. Then gets into an argument with a classmate. Then stresses out over mixing school work with her part-time waitress job. Just as she believes she's getting a handle on life once more, the night brings an unspeakable horror. She meets with an unknown assailant in the dimly-lit parking lot after finishing the late shift. The next thing she knows, she's out cold. And when she wakes up, she discovers giant human fingers bearing down on her naked body. After a frightening period of orientation, she soon learns that a madman in her neighborhood possesses the means of shrinking humans down to doll size, and has used that means to kidnap Amy and make her into a helpless, hand-held pet for his amusement.


Dr. Marj Edison suspects antiques dealer John Palatino to have stolen her miniaturization device, but cannot prove anything, and fears going to the police. So Marj enlists the aid of Amy's sister Lisa to do some snooping around Palatino's place of business, as well as hire four sharp college undergrads to break into Palatino's house. One way or another, all vital clues pointing to Palatino's new sick and twisted hobby involving young coeds, would be uncovered.


But the best of plans do not always succeed.


While Palatino's collection of shrunken females continues to grow and local police become more suspicious regarding the disappearing persons, Lisa gets closer and closer to the dangerous truth. Meanwhile, the shrunken Amy begins to lose her sanity as she undergoes a bizarre form of obedience training. Unless someone on the outside can rescue her and the others, they will forever remain five and half inches tall, and nothing more than mere playthings known as Palatino's Pets.


Palatino's Pets. Only $1.99. Comments and criticism welcome.